Gaijin Uses Domino's As Weather Report

This month, a gaijin reported using his daily Domino's emails as a weather report rather than getting out of bed. 

Simon Poulter, 25, from Idaho, has spent nineteen of the last twenty-four days in bed and has relied on communication from the pizza company to inform him of how things are going outside his apartment. 

"As an ALT, I have had the majority of the last month free from working obligations," said the high school teacher based in Nagoya's Nishi Ward. "As such, I have reverted to my natural state of staying up until 5 am, playing video games, and watching old episodes of South Park before sleeping all day."

"This isn't really a problem," he added – though he does admit to one unfortunate drawback. "My shitty Leo Palace apartment has just one tiny window, and that faces onto another shitty Leo Palace apartment opposite me."

"It is so close, in fact, that I can see the beads of sweat on the forehead of the pervert who lives across from me as he pleasures himself with the underwear that he stole from the washing line of the girl next door."

Despite such irritating distractions, he is pretty much satisfied with his situation.

"This does cause you to lose contact with the outside world. Fortunately, when I wake up, I check my emails, and depending on the mail, I can tell how the weather is doing."

"If I get a message about a two-for-one deal, I can presume it has probably been a sunny day. But if they have sent me a 20% off voucher for a rainy day, then I know that it has been pissing down, and I haven't missed out on much."

"Even though I have been in bed the entire time, I'm not wasting my life."

"I mean, OF COURSE, I'm wasting my life," he continued. "I'm doing a pointless job that no one respects, for which I'm gettingting paid fuck all."

"But at least I'm not doing it in the rain!"

"Thanks for letting me know, Domino's!" 

By Mark Guthrie - originally published in NAGMAG.