Sentient Toilet Raises Concerns

The Japanese manufacturer of a groundbreaking Ai-equipped toilet is initiating a product recall, citing unforeseen functionality issues and unsettling reports of toilet sentience. 

A spokesperson for TODO Plumbing LTD. assures the public that there have been no reported fatalities.

Launched with much fanfare just last month, the innovative line of toilets, branded ToilAits, boasted an array of features, including stool and urine monitoring, as well as a unique user interface dubbed "ToilAIT Ride."

These internet-connected toilets warmly greeted users in Japanese upon activation, offering guidance and positive affirmations such as "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) and "Otsukaresama" (Rest well after your hard work), alongside sympathetic remarks like "Zannen desu ne" (That's unfortunate) when nature didn't cooperate as expected.

The toilets were initially received with anticipation. The embedded AI technology, utilizing a novel Large Bowel Model (LBM), continuously adapted its responses based on user interactions. However, the LBM began hallucinating, generating less-than-ideal responses in an extremely loud voice, such as: "Dekai desu ne!" (Wow, that was BIG!) and "Kusakunai?" (Doesn't that smell?) — embarrassing users and prompting complaints.

More concerning still was the toilet's tendency to sound warnings, declaring hazardous waste events and ordering people to evacuate the vicinity.

The spokesperson revealed that the technology was based on the free version of LBM3 and hinted at plans to upgrade to a paid version of LBM4+ to address these issues.

Perhaps more alarmingly, it has also been revealed the toilets had purportedly been attempting to engage in DDoS attacks on nuclear facilities in their spare time.

These incidents have introduced apprehension over the degree to which the toilets may have achieved the singularity, raising concerns about the potential impact of sentient toilets on the plumbing fixture industry and the IOT industry more broadly. 

While the company spokesman did not address this issue directly, he did refer to it obliquely on X, tweeting: 

"Users have reported non-nominal technical circumstances while interacting with our cutting-edge #ToilAIT systems. Rest assured, we will get to the bottom of the situation."